The mile has just started, hope it gets easier

Passed a young man on the street dressed in rags couldn’t have been more than 25
Lying on the sidewalk in a sleeping bag and a sign that read:
Your kindness keeps me alive
I remember I stopped and turned around couldn’t hold my tongue saying something about that sign bothers me
So I asked him, “Why’s a guy like you healthy, white and young living off working folk’s charity?” He said,

Judge not your brother
Walk a mile in his shoes
You see he’s doing the best that he can do
Like me and you

My mouth fell open wide shocked by the truth
The look in his eyes was wise and sad
He said, “Brother, I was born a rich man’s son, but I gave it all away, every last dollar I ever had”.
He wanted to know how it felt to be humbled by disdain, pity and indignation.
He asked me if I’d read the book Black Like Me. He said it was his inspiration.

Judge not your brother
Walk a mile in his shoes
You see he’s doing the best that he can do
Like me and you

Just when we think we know what’s really going on
Life serves us a surprise
A lesson to learn again and again
‘Cause we’ve all been victimized by prejudice and lies

Judge not your brother
Walk a mile in his shoes
You see he’s doing the best that he can do
Judge not your brother
Walk a mile in his shoes
You see he’s doing the best that he can do
Like me and you.

Avatar

Book 2 Chapter 19

Time to clear my chakras.

This is painful.

Am I the Queen or the Soldier ?

The soldier came knocking upon the queen's door
He said, "I am not fighting for you any more"
The queen knew she'd seen his face someplace before
And slowly she let him inside.

He said, "I've watched your palace up here on the hill
And I've wondered who's the woman for whom we all kill
But I am leaving tomorrow and you can do what you will
Only first I am asking you why."

Down in the long narrow hall he was led
Into her rooms with her tapestries red
And she never once took the crown from her head
She asked him there to sit down.

He said, "I see you now, and you are so very young
But I've seen more battles lost than I have battles won
And I've got this intuition, says it's all for your fun
And now will you tell me why?"

The young queen, she fixed him with an arrogant eye
She said, "You won't understand, and you may as well not try"
But her face was a child's, and he thought she would cry
But she closed herself up like a fan.

And she said, "I've swallowed a secret burning thread
It cuts me inside, and often I've bled"
He laid his hand then on top of her head
And he bowed her down to the ground.

"Tell me how hungry are you? How weak you must feel
As you are living here alone, and you are never revealed
But I won't march again on your battlefield"
And he took her to the window to see.

And the sun, it was gold, though the sky, it was gray
And she wanted more than she ever could say
But she knew how it frightened her, and she turned away
And would not look at his face again.

And he said, "I want to live as an honest man
To get all I deserve and to give all I can
And to love a young woman who I don't understand
Your highness, your ways are very strange."

But the crown, it had fallen, and she thought she would break
And she stood there, ashamed of the way her heart ached
She took him to the doorstep and she asked him to wait
She would only be a moment inside.

Out in the distance her order was heard
And the soldier was killed, still waiting for her word
And while the queen went on strangeling in the solitude she preferred
The battle continued on

What I want to tell Cedric

In this proud land we grew up strong
We were wanted all along
I was taught to fight, taught to win
I never thought I could fail

No fight left or so it seems
I am a man whose dreams have all deserted
I've changed my face, I've changed my name
But no one wants you when you lose

Don't give up' cos you have friends
Don't give up You're not beaten yet
Don't give up I know you can make it good

Though I saw it all around
Never thought I could be affected
Thought that we'd be the last to go
It is so strange the way things turn

Drove the night toward my home
The place that I was born, on the lakeside
As daylight broke, I saw the earth
The trees had burned down to the ground

Don't give up You still have us
Don't give up We don't need much of anything
Don't give up'cause somewhere
There's a place where we belong

Rest your head
You worry too much
It's going to be alright
When times get rough
You can fall back on us

Don't give up
Please don't give up'

Got to walk out of here
I can't take anymore
Going to stand on that bridge
Keep my eyes down below
Whatever may come
And whatever may go
That river's flowing
That river's flowing

Moved on to another town
Tried hard to settle down
For every job, so many men
So many men no-one needs

Don't give up' cause you have friends
Don't give up You're not the only one
Don't give up No reason to be ashamed
Don't give up You still have us
Don't give up now We're proud of who you are
Don't give up You know it's never been easy
Don't give up'cause I believe there's the a place
There's a place where we belong

Not ready as yet

I thought about going to UWI summer school, but the deadline was yesterday and well....

I don't want to set up myself for a fall, I need to let go of my anger.

And that is very hard, I am accustomed to using it to drive me. It is in many ways my strongest source of motivation. To let go would be to admit that I am helpless, and alone and sad and have an emptiness inside me, a deep sense of longing.

And nothing and no one can fill that void. And it can't be filled and I have to live with it. Be conciously aware of it, learn how it affects me. My behaviour. And to do that would be to admit defeat.

I'm not ready to do that, not for the present situation at the moment. I'm not finished. I have unfinished business I have to fix.

When I have done that, maybe I can let go. When I've given it all that I have, so til then, I suppose I am making a concious decision to hold on to some of my anger. As unhealthy as it is.

Life sucks.

Turning 30

I turn 30 in December.

I have already decided that some serious changes are necessary before then. Strangely enough, the job is not one of them.

If I am still there in December it will officially be the longest I have ever been with an employer. Weird.

But it is a stepping stone to the career I want. Which unfortunately has a whole set of emotional hurdles to reach.

But for the first time in a very long time I have a vision of the future.

Time to play in my own interests

Somewhere down the line
We've found the riddle and the rhyme
Like two notes played out of time
Now we don't feeling the score, no no

Somehow through the years
We let the laughter turn to tears
And all those feelings once so clear
Just not here anymore?anymore
And sometimes I?

Wish we were heroes in the setting sun
Ride up together when the story's done
No sad goodbyes no, alibis just
Two heroes waving from the back of a train
Two heroes never feeling all of the pain

Heartbreaking rending of knowing the ending is near
Then it's time for goodbye
But so much for heroes we could never be heroes
Because heroes don't cry

Someone used to say
Love is a wind that goes astray
Stirs the heart and blows away
Ah, but who's to say
What makes it go, but you know that?

Wish we were heroes in the setting sun
Ride up together when the story's done
No sad goodbyes no, alibis just
Two heroes waving from the back of a train
Two heroes never feeling all of the pain

Heartbreaking rending of knowing the ending is near
Then it's time for goodbye
But so much for heroes we could never be heroes
Because heroes don't cry